Muddled Thoughts
by gum wrapper
Summary: Dan's sick and tells Phil somethings he wouldn't normally. Phil's not sure how to react.
1. PINOF 8

**I DON'T OWN AMAZINGPHIL OR DANISNOTONFIRE AND AS USUALLY THESE EVENTS ARE MADE UP!**

* * *

Muddled Thoughts

"Dan."

"Nooooo." I moan. "Let me stay here."

"We have a video to film."

I ignore him. I will not get up. I will not get up.

"You know that it's time for Phil is not on fire 8."

I will not get up. I will resist…

I'm up in seconds. "Let's do-ACHOO-this!"

Phil frowns. "Wait, are you-"

"I'm fine! Now you said something about filming?" I ask changing the topic.

"Dan if you're sick maybe we shouldn't. I mean, you should rest and take a sick day." Phil tries but I shake my head. I will not put off filming my favorite video series.

"We are doing this Phil. You got me up, you mentioned filming, I am not getting back in bed until we have filmed and started-ACHOO-editing."

"Daaaaan." He whines. "You're sick."

I scowl at him in protest. "I'll be fine. I don't think I have a temperature."

Phil's eyes narrow a bit. He frowns at me. "Your eyes are red."

"I'm sure it's just allergies."

"Your voice is hoarse."

"Coughing can happen when you have allergies."

"You keep sneezing."

"ALLERGIES!" I cry. "It's just allergies! I'm perfectly fine!"

"Dan, I know you aren't allergic to anything." Phil says. "You have never had allergies, and you never will. So get back in bed."

I ignore him and slide past him into the bathroom where I find the thermometer.

"If I have a fever, we won't film. If I do, I'll go lie back down." I promise him. "Deal?"

He sighs but agrees. "Yeah, yeah, fine."

"Great." I wait a few seconds and then take it back out of my mouth. "37 degrees. We can still film."

Phil checks. "Are you sure?"

I nod.

"Fine. But the second you don't feel good we stop okay?"

"Okay."

I follow Phil back to his room with my duvet draped around my shoulders and head like a hood because it's cold in our flat.

"Dan, one last time. Please take your temperature." Phil pleads.

I do as he says. "38 degrees."

"Dan, that's a bit warm don't you think?" He implies.

"No."

Luckily for me, Phil gives in and we start filming.

Halfway through the room kinda tilts. I ignore it. I'm fine.

"Dan, are you okay?" Phil asks as I pull my duvet tighter around me.

"Y-yes." I shiver.

Phil raises both eyebrows. "Let's take your temperature again."

"We are almost done. I can hold on a bit longer."

"If you're really sick, and I think you are, then we have to take care of you."

I like that he says "we have to take care of you" like he'll help me get over it. It's kind of nice. Sounding. Like a promise or something.

I obey his pleading and finally retake my temperature. His eyebrows knit together as he reads.

He keeps talking to me but I don't hear him. The world has kinda… melted together in a blur of colors and it sounds like I'm underwater. I can't think either. My thoughts are foggy and frustratingly inconsistent.

I jilt forward and Phil catches me in alarm. His tri-colored eyes big and searching my face. I think maybe I can hear him saying my name but I can't focus on that.

My vision turns into a back tunnel and my eyes close without any thought on my part. No consent, no fighting. It just happens and the last thing I remember is Phil repeatedly calling out five words.

If only I could focus on those five words. Those five words that would mean so much to me if I wasn't being pulled away from him. Curse my muddled thoughts.

* * *

 _I had something to tell you…. Hmm… OH YES! If you can guess the five words Phil said to Dan then you can request a word and I'll do a nice long one-shot on it! Just leave a review and I can do whatever you want!_

 _~gum wrapper._


	2. Only If It's True

**I don't own danisnotonfire (Dan Howell) or AmazingPhil (Phil Lester).**

Dan's p.o.v.

* * *

I open my eyes and don't know where I am. Then I figure it out.

I'm in a hospital. In a hospital _bed_ to be more specific.

"Dan?"

I turn my head slowly to my right where Phil sits. Behind him a large window that's streaming very early morning light onto him. He looks like an angel with his fresh tar colored hair glowing. I think he should know. He never seems to know.

"You look like an angel." I say.

It's after he smiles a little and says "Dan, you aren't thinking straight" do I realize that I really did say that outloud.

I feel my face warm up but I decide to hold onto my thinking. I also feel my eyes getting heavy again.

"Really. I mean, you're always so pretty but the light makes it look like you're a real angel."

"Dan, do you know what you're saying?" He asks half amused.

"Yes. I'm telling you how pretty you are right now. But you're always pretty. Even when I don't say so."

Phil laughs a little. "Are you really awake right now Dan? Your fever has gone down enough but are you really aware of what you're saying? I don't think you are."

I frown. Why won't he take my complement? "Why not?"

"You don't usually think I'm pretty." He says with a small smirk.

"Yes I do. I'm just too scared to tell you."

This time he asks the question. "Why?"

"Because I don't think you like me the… the way I like you. In the more than friend way." I mumble awkwardly.

Phil must have heard me though because a small grin passes over his face. It makes him do the cute little thing where he sticks his tongue out. I smile back weakly.

"Dan, you're tired."

"No."

"Really? Then close your eyes and if you are still awake in five minutes, I'll believe you."

This sounds like a trick but my sleep needing and drugged up brain isn't capable to follow through. "Believe me how?" I ask.

"I'll believe that you love me."

I have to win this. He has to know it's true.

"Phil." I mumble as I feel myself slipping into sleep. "Phil it's true."

He doesn't respond for a long time until he quietly whispers my name.

"Dan, Dan, are you still awake?"

"Phil." I mumble in the phase between sleep and consciousness. "Phil, I'm awake still."

"I believe you. Even if you do fall asleep."

"I am asleep."

He laughs softly.

"I'm asleep but I love you."

He touches my hand. I thinks he holds it but I'm too dazed to tell.


	3. Feigning Innocence

**I don't own AmazingPhil or danisnotonfire.**

 _Phil's p.o.v._

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Dan doesn't wake up again for a while. I don't leave him either. We both remain in the same position for a long time. So long, the doctors say Dan can leave when he wakes up, the sun light changes from pale yellow to gold, and I have enough time to think about what's happened.

Do I love Dan? The way he loves me?

I think so.

No, maybe I don't.

No, I do!

Right? I do?

"Phil."

I look up at Dan slowly. His milk chocolate eyes warm if that's a word you can use to describe eyes, I've never been too sure. "You're finally up." I say with a weak smile. "The doctor said you could go home now."

He nods. His eyes trained on me like he knows.

Like Dan knows that I didn't say it back. Like Dan knows I'm not sure if I love him back.

"Something's wrong."

"What?" I ask avoiding his eyes.

"You. You aren't acting like normal."

I don't react. I'm not sure how to.

"Phil."

I smile. "I think I'm just tired. Unlike you I haven't slept since yesterday."

Dan doesn't fool easily and I hate lying to him. Guilt settles into my stomach.

"Then we should go home." Dan says.

I nod.

"You know, you don't have to say it."

"Say what?" I ask feigning innocence.

"That you love me. Only if it's true."


	4. Maybe

_Hey. I've been sick, almost lost my voice(I've never lost my voice before so I was scared I was going to), gotten better and I'm hoping to_ _stay_ _better. Anyway, leave a review and such. :) Love you all lots, ~gum wrapper. OH, P.S.! I got a Twitter account finally! If you want to know my name just PM me!_

 **I don't own AmazingPhil or danisnotonfire.**

 _Phil's p.o.v._

* * *

 **Maybe**

I stare at Dan for a good amount of time. His milk chocolate eyes staring right back at me.

"I don't know." I say. "I-I...I don't know."

Dan nods. "That's okay Philly."

I look down at my feet. It's not okay. Not really. I should be able to say yes or no instead of pulling him along through the mud.

"You're too good for me Dan." I say finally.

He frowns. "How?"

"You're too caring, too nice, you love with your whole heart I know you do even if you try to hide it with being ironic…" I sigh. I could go on. There's a lot more. Dan's sweet and innocent sometimes. Sometimes. When he's sick or sleepy or when he's not on camera and all he wants to do is talk to someone about something. He can act like a child sometimes and then other times he can be… _much_ different. But it's all Dan. Everything he does is unique to him. It's what makes him Dan and what makes him my best friend. The way his brown eyes are always showing how he truly is feeling so I can always know if he's telling me the truth about being fine… It's Dan.

But there is always that moment. Where he leans towards me and I almost say something I shouldn't. The moment where he says something just to annoy me and I feel my face get hot…

Maybe it is different than I have always told myself it was?

Maybe.

And maybe, maybe now is the time to tell him.

Maybe.

Dan looks at me still. Still waiting for me to keep going. I look up and notice how cute he looks. And somewhere. Somewhere in my brain, a voice is telling me to kiss him.


	5. Kiss Him

_WASN'T THAT A GREAT CLIFFHANGER!? Nah, I'm sorry it was cheesy. Also, this fic might have a lot of shorter chapters and I don't know why. I just stop where it seems like a good place to leave off. ~gum wrapper. P.S. THIS IS **MIGHT** BE __THE END! (I'm not quite sure.) Also, hey Will. :)_

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Kiss Him

Dan's p.o.v.

Phil almost says something. I see his lips part and he looks like he's about to say something but then, he stops. I wait for him to say something. He stares for a long time at the floor.

I keep waiting and many different thoughts run through my head.

 _Why'd he stop talking? Why is he staring at the floor? He looks… sexy with his hair shading his face like that. He should look up from the floor now, he's starting to scare me. What's he thinking about? Oh shit did I do something?_

Slowly his head lifts up and our eyes meet. The voice in my head tells me to lean forward and kiss him.

I push that thought down. I won't.

Phil looks at me for a second longer before speaking. "Dan."

I nod. "Yeah Phil?"

His eyes fall onto our fingers which are interlocked. I squeeze his hand lightly and my response is a tiny smile flickering across his lips.

I'm thinking about saying something else along the lines of: is he okay? Is something wrong? When he lifts are hands and turns them so mine is facing him. He touches them very lightly to his lips.

I bite back a smile until he pulls my hand away. He's grinning madly.

"I think," Phil says drawing out his sentence. "That I," He kisses the back of my hand again. I lean forward to be closer to him. "Might love you."


End file.
